Susan didn’t hate her brother. She had been told that enough to know.
“Susie. Love your little brother.”
She just didn’t like him much.
But she definitely loved him. That was what big sisters had to do. And as much as she hated to admit it, she was Walter’s big sister.
So, she didn’t really intend what happened. Even if she was the cause.
Susan was eight. Her brother Walter was five. And that meant Walter was a baby. A big annoying baby. Also, Walter was a pain. And a snot. And a little pussbag. But Susan reserved calling him this for his most obnoxious behavior.
Unfortunately, he acted obnoxious pretty much all of the time, so she had to use it more often than her parents would have thought appropriate. Then again, she had to be his big sister. Not them. So, she really didn’t care what they thought.
Unless her parents mentioned time outs, and then she kept it to herself.
Another thing that bothered Susan was the fact that they called him Waltie. Susan didn’t like him being called that. Walt sounded better and was actually shorter, but he still accepted being called Waltie. Susan hated to be called Susie, but it didn’t seem to bother Walt to be called Waltie. This made Susan mad.
The other thing was that he didn’t behave at all like a little brother should. All her friends agreed with her on this. Though, often they told her she should be happy that he wasn’t a typical little brother. She didn’t want to hear this last part, so she didn’t consult them about it anymore. The important thing was that everybody agreed Waltie was weird.
Unlike most little brothers, who were rambunctious and difficult, but completely uninterested in their older sisters, Waltie followed Susan around everywhere she went. He did everything she did, and anything she told him not to do, especially. Other little brothers could get in the way, and sometimes Barbie ended up being taken hostage in some stupid “war” between the Power Rangers and Skeletor, but this rarely happened. The important thing was that older sisters and little brothers didn’t mix. Waltie was different. Waltie was Susan’s shadow. And that she actually did hate.
Her friends didn’t understand. They actually seemed to like Waltie. Some even said that he might be considered sweet. Susan could never seem to win that fight, either, so she didn’t bring that up anymore, either. She did shove Helen Stable after Helen called Waltie cute, but that was as much about Helen being a serious booger-eater, as anything else.
Anyway, Waltie followed Susan around, and now that he had gotten into Kindergarten it had gotten worse. Her parents made her show him around.
“Watch out for your little brother, Susie. That’s your job, being older.”
In Susan’s opinion, watching out for Waltie was their job, but they never asked her.
So, she had to show the little weirdo around, and spend time with him. As little as possible, but with Waltie that would never be as little as she would like. In fact Waltie was winning this fight. And driving her nuts in the process.
Her friends were no help. They actually seemed to enjoy having him around. It had crossed her mind that they might enjoy her discomfort more than they actually liked Waltie. But she didn’t give it too much thought. Susan was too good a friend to them. Besides, they had little brothers that could be encouraged to hang around, in case she was wrong.
But then, it happened, and all of that became moot.
Susan’s grandmother had a garden. Actually her grandfather had a garden, but he supervised. At least that’s what he called it. So, Susan’s grandmother did all the work. As a result, everybody called it hers except when grandpa was around.
In this garden, her grandmother had many vegetables and fruits. But the ones Susan looked forward to, and what caused the problem were the watermelons.
They were big. They were really big and heavy. They were bright green, and most importantly they were delicious. The perfect combination of fruit, which was healthy, and something Susan’s parents liked, and mouth watering-taste, which Susan liked. In fact, like most kids, Susan would only eat healthy stuff if she was made to. But watermelons were an exception, so, watermelons made both Susan and her parents happy.
The one problem with the watermelons were the seeds. There were lots of them. And since Susan was a girl, she couldn’t spit them out at people like they were there for. She had to leave them in her paper plate like a lady was supposed to.
Waltie on the other hand, weirdo that he was, enjoyed putting the seeds on his plate in perfectly straight little rows. Spitting them at someone would never occur to him in a million years. Nor would swallowing them. Not until Susan suggested it to him.
“Bet you can’t swallow those,” she taunted.
“Why should I?”
“Cause you’re a chicken if you don’t. And every other word out of your mouth is bawk.”
“No it’s not. Don’t care anyway.”
“I don’t like chickens.”
“So?”
“I don’t talk to people I don’t like.”
“Does that mean me?”
Susan just nodded.
Waltie paused for a second at this. Then finally he took a seed and swallowed it. Susan immediately had an idea. A good way to get back at the little dork.
“Oh-oh. Now you’re in for it.”
“What?”
“You just swallowed a seed. Now you’re gonna grow a watermelon. In your stomach.”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Says you.”
“No, says Gertie Hassenpfeffer.”
“Who?”
“Gertie Hassenpfeffer. Her brother accidentally swallowed one. And the watermelon got so big it exploded out of him,” and Susan made a big explosion sound to accompany the description. This was getting fun.
“If that’s true, why haven’t you exploded? I’ve seen you swallow some.”
“Cause I’m a girl. It only happens to boys. Like you.”
Waltie looked like he was about to cry. This almost made Susan stop and tell him the truth. But he left. And Susan became so happy with that result, that she didn’t.
This was the last Susan thought about it until the next day when Waltie walked up to her, pointed to his stomach, and simply said, “I’m scared.”
Susan looked at his stomach, and there she saw a little indentation out. Like something was pushing against Waltie’s stomach. From the inside.
Susan responded, “You’re puffing your stomach out. Quit trying to mess with me.”
“I am not. It’s on my back, too.”
She looked around and sure enough there was a little indentation there.
“I don’t want to explode.”
“You’re not going to explode. It’s just gas.”
“Gas?”
“It’s the stuff that makes you fart.”
Waltie laughed a little at fart. This made Susan feel a little better. Oddly enough.
“It’ll go away when you do.”
“Do what?”
“Fart.”
Waltie started to seriously laugh at that.
“See. Nothing to worry about.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
Waltie walked off. Obviously relieved. Susan wasn’t.
Of course, Susan had made the watermelon stuff up. But after seeing Waltie’s stomach, she realized she didn’t know whether it could actually happen. She asked her father.
“No honey a watermelon can’t grow in your stomach. It has nothing to grow on.”
“It really can’t grow in there?”
“No. Plants need dirt and such to grow. And unless you’ve developed a taste for mud, I wouldn’t worry about it.”
Susan didn’t believe Waltie ate dirt. But she was afraid to ask. So, she just hoped for the best, and chose to avoid thinking about it.
The next day, Waltie’s stomach had gotten bigger.
“Did you eat dirt?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so? How can you not know.”
“We had a special day at Kindergarten yesterday. We ate in the cafeteria like the other kids. They served some stuff. I ate it. But I don’t know what it was. It was brown,” and Waltie started to cry.
“Don’t cry Waltie. That wasn’t dirt. Just meatloaf.”
Waltie’s crying slowed, “Are you sure?”
Susan wasn’t, “Yes, I’m sure.”
“But what about my stomach?”
“Like I said, it’s gas. Just wait till you fart.”
“Okay, but then maybe we should tell mom and dad.”
“No! They’d just take you to the hospital to get surgery. Do you want to get cut open and pulled apart?”
“No. Do they do that?
“Yes. So, let’s just wait for the fart. Okay?”
“Okay.”
But Waltie didn’t look so sure. And Susan was afraid he’d tell soon. Then her parents would know who had caused it, and who knows what they would do to her. Her parents just usually sent her to quiet time. But for this she was pretty sure sitting in a chair for fifteen minutes wouldn’t cut it. And she was too scared to think of what would cut it.
Unfortunately, by the next day Waltie’s stomach was noticeably larger. It was a matter of time before her parents noticed, even if Waltie didn’t tell.
Waltie, however, was oddly quiet about the whole thing. Susie thought that was a good thing, but she didn’t feel that way.
In fact, Susie didn’t feel at all well. Her stomach started to hurt. And when she screwed up her math problem, she even cried. The rest of the kids noticed, and called her “Crybaby” at recess until Kevin Stuart fell off the monkey bars, and had to be sent to the hospital. Everybody forgot about Susie then. But the ambulance and all the bright lights just made her feel worse.
She wasn’t even able to eat her dessert at dinner.
“What’s wrong honey? Got a stomachache?” was her Mother’s question when she picked up Susan’s plate.
This made Susan feel even worse. Especially since Waltie hadn’t eaten his dessert either. She mumbled no, and her mom seemed to accept that.
She went to bed knowing that tomorrow they’d see. And then they wouldn’t worry about a little leftover sherbet.
Then, while she was sleeping, she was woken up by a tap on her shoulder. She knew it was her parents there to tell her Waltie’s exploded. And they know it’s all her fault. And that he was their favorite. And that’s why they’re going to send her away because now they hated her.
She didn’t want to open her eyes. She hoped they would just go away, and forget all about it.
They didn’t, and they continued to tap. Susan finally decided to face her fate with what little courage she had.
She opened her eyes, and there was Waltie.
He had been crying. That was obvious. He looked really scared.
And there was a vine hanging out of his mouth.
Waltie just pointed at the vine and kept sobbing. The vine hung there from his mouth, green, leafy, and very much alive. Susan just stared. Waltie sobbed harder. Then, Susan realized the reason Waltie was quiet all day. The vine had kept him from talking.
Susan’s first thought was that this might be a good thing, Waltie not talking. For a second. Just a second. Then her stomach started to hurt again, and the thought went away. She just felt bad.
“Okay. Waltie… Waltie… Waltie stop crying, and listen to me.”
Waltie just kept pointing.
“I know, but if I’m gonna help you, you’re gonna need to stop crying. Cause I’m gonna need you to pay attention.”
Waltie, much to Susan’s surprise, stopped crying.
“Okay. I need to see your stomach. So, pull up your shirt a little.”
Waltie pulls it up, but even before that, Susan could tell it was bad. His stomach bulged out a full foot in a football shape. It had to be the watermelon. The watermelon that grew in his stomach because of what she said.
“Waltie, oh I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry. It was my fault,” and Susan began to cry a little herself. And then she did something she hadn’t done before without being told to. She hugged Waltie.
Waltie just looked at her in surprise.
When she broke off the hug, she explained, “You see, Waltie, I caused this when I told you it could happen. Watermelons don’t grow in people, but because I told you they could, and because you didn’t know any better. One grew.”
Waltie just looked at her a second, and then pointed again.
“Yeah, I know. You want it out. We could tell mom and dad. But I really am afraid they would take you to the hospital. And that the doctors really would cut you open. But if you want to, we can tell them.”
Waltie looked at Susan a second, and then shook his head. But then he shrugged.
“You don’t know what else to do, right? Well, I have an idea, if you’re willing to let me try.”
Waltie shook his head yes, emphatically.
“Okay, just hold still,” and Susan grabbed the vine growing out of his mouth and gave it a tentative tug. At first, nothing, but then she could feel it move a little. But then Waltie groaned, and Susan stopped.
“Okay, I’m sorry that hurt, but it showed that the watermelon can be pulled out. I think I can do that, but it’s gonna hurt. And I don’t see any way around that. It’s the only thing I can think of to do. But it’s your choice.”
Waltie just looked thoughtful for a second, and then he closed his eyes. He curled his hands into fists, and slowly nodded yes.
Susan grabbed the vine again. Except this time with both hands and tightly. And she pulled as hard as she could.
She had had a loose baby tooth recently, which she had worried incessantly. Her Father, after noticing this, had told her that it’s sometimes just easier to give it a good tug, and get it over with. And in that case it seemed to work. So, that was what she did here. She just gave it a good tug, with all her might.
At first, it was pretty easy. The vine just moved along in her hands. But then it got slimy and Susan almost stopped. But she looked at Waltie who was standing there being very brave. And she figured if he could take it, so could she. She continued to pull. But then it hit his throat, and it got real hard to pull. His neck expanded at least a foot on either side, and Susan had to shut her eyes. She couldn’t take the look of pain on Waltie’s face. But she continued to pull. And then she heard a loud pop, and she fell over because suddenly there was nothing pulling against her.
Susan kept her eyes closed a second, and then she heard Waltie breathing. So she opened her eyes. There was Waltie breathing hard, a look of relief on his face. And there was the Watermelon. The biggest Watermelon Susan had ever seen.
“Gee Waltie, when you do stuff you’re not supposed to. You really do it.”
Waltie smiled, and then asked, “What do we do with it?”
Susan looked at it sitting there covered in spit, and the idea of eating it was the furthest thing from her mind.
“I’ll bury it out back. Maybe we’ll get more big watermelons.”
“Or a really big beanstalk. We could climb it,” Jack and the Beanstalk was one of Waltie’s favorite stories.
“Well it would be a watermelon vine, but we could climb it. If you promise to protect me from the giant.”
Waltie took this very seriously, “No giant is gonna get my sister while I’m around.”
“Well then, climbing it would be real fun.”
Waltie looked really happy.
“So, Waltie, you’re alright now, right?”
“I think so, Susan. But I won’t eat any more watermelons.”
“Okay. But you know now that watermelons aren’t supposed to grow in your stomach, right?”
“If you say so.”
“I do. So, it would be okay to eat them.”
“Okay,” Waltie looked doubtful.
“It’ll be okay if you don’t eat any seeds at least.”
“You’ll make sure I don’t.”
“Of course. Once is more than enough for this to happen.”
“Good,” Waltie looked very relieved at this.
“Now you go back to bed. And don’t tell anybody about this. It’ll be our little secret, okay?”
“Okay, “ Waltie looked very happy to have to share a secret with Susan, “Goodnight, Susan. Thanks,” and he begins to leave.
“Waltie,” Susan stopped him.
“Yeah?”
“You can call me Susie.”
“But you don’t like to be called Susie.”
“Only because I didn’t tell anyone they could call me Susie. I’m telling you, so it’s okay.”
Waltie puzzled over that for a second, and smiled real big, “Okay, Susie,” and then he left.
Susan stared at the Watermelon and wondered how big giants really were. And then she realized she didn’t think it was funny that Waltie would protect her. Knowing this made her really happy, for some odd reason.
“The giants wouldn’t know what hit them,” was her last thought as Susan went back to sleep.